Southern Tier: Warlock

And we stuntin’ like
Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada
Basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother

Though few today remember Kreayshawn for her debut single – the 8-time Grammy-winner has long since transitioned into film directing, expressionist sculpture, and reporting on womens’ working conditions in Bangladesh – ‘Gucci Gucci’, ought to be more immediately connected to the artist in people’s minds. Yes, we all remember Kreayshawn’s National Book Award-winning 5-volume set of memoirs, A Black Speck on a Pale Blue Dot; but this song, this anthem of id, ought to be more appreciated than it currently is, for it gave us one of the great creatures of our age: the basic bitch, that creature that likes what’s popular to like; no left-turns off the path of conformity for the basic bitch, no experimentation, no imagination.

The basic bitch has been forefront in my mind this month: ‘pumpkin spiced latte’ has become a crucial accessory to the archetypal basic bitch and I have been going out of my way to find pumpkin-flavored beers for weeks. I’ve invested an amount of time into this task that would be far better used to clean my apartment, say, or learn Portugeuse.

However, even with this level of dedication I failed in my goal for the week. I searched 6 area liquor stores for the fabled Harpoon Imperial Pumpkin stout only to be thwarted at every turn. Finally, at the last shop, the clerk recommended Southern Tier’s Warlock, which was supposed to be similar-enough.

It poured absurdly smooth, a deep ebony liquid with only a few scattered clumps of foam around the edges of the glass. Going down for a sip, I noticed the smell of dark chocolate with a little citrus; the taste itself was like pumpkin had been added to one of those chocolate mints that grow on hotel room pillows; an aftertaste of cinnamon, apple, and coffee also came through. The beer itself isn’t heavy, laying on the tongue like a cotton sweater, and after a few sips the taste of the alcohol comes through but not in an unpleasant way – like a hint of the botanicals in gin.

Southern Tier made my previous favorite pumpkin beer of the season but the Warlock easily takes the crown. Until next year, goodbye to all pumpkin beers, Uggs, and Patagonia jackets; you did good, bitches.

Warlock: Imperial Stout Brewed with Pumpkin
Southern Tier Brewing Company
ABV 10%
$8.95

Oct 27, 2015 | Posted by in Tipsy Tuesday | Comments Off on Southern Tier: Warlock
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