Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby that’s all we need.
All credit to Afroman but I can give the two zig-zags a miss: it’s the Colt 45 I’m after – Colt 45, the King of Giant Malt Liquor Bottles. Yes, it can be found in containers smaller than the classic 40 oz., but the point of Colt 45 is to hand a liquor store clerk fewer than 3 dollars for a quarter-gallon of beer – so treat yourself.
Colt 45 is superior to the other malt liquors out there because it is the only brand to offer perfectly-consistent quality. Yes, you can pick up your Steel Reserve or Mickey’s, but the odds are so high you’ll receive a skunked bottle of undrinkable piss that it makes the whole transaction ludicrous. Stay safe and pick up the bottle with the horseshoe and bucking colt.
Now we know the quality is unchanging, but is it any good? Well, the taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon is to that of Colt 45 (they’re both made by the same brewery) as the image of a building compares with its reflection in a still pond; the latter is a good copy of the former if a bit fuzzy around the edges. This beer is nothing special but is instead to me the booze equivalent of Taco Bell: a perfectly reliable comfort food others find disgusting. At such a low price, why don’t you grab a cold 40 in a paper shammy, put on some tunes, and enjoy your American freedom.*
*If not currently in America, please visit as soon as possible and support our local microbrews malt liquor industry.
Pabst Brewing Company
$2.75 (for 40 oz.)